A day in the life of Margot

I am rudely awoken by my mum at stupid o’clock (it’s around 7am) and I roll over on to my back and demand tummy rubs before I even consider climbing out of my nest, comprising of soft fleece and Sherpa blankets.

Eventually I give up and I’m turfed out in the garden for a wee, that’s not so bad because I guilt trip mum in to coming out with me and I like to shout abuse at absolutely nothing, I enjoy watching mum get panicky about me waking people up and them being mad at us.

We then get in to Mums bed and I bury myself so deep under the duvet, Mum worries about me suffocating and melts wafting the duvet to introduce oxygen to me, she’s so dramatic.

She gets up and leaves me in peace, although as soon as I hear her go downstairs I sit pretty in the kitchen and see if I can blag some sweeties. She usually hands me some duck jerky, not before making me perform like a circus animal though. “Sit, down, over”. Honestly, who does she think I am?

She buggers off upstairs to work and I decide how I shall spend my morning. This differs from one day to the next because on Tuesday, I sit up at the windowsill and hurl abuse at the Dustbin Men. They try to steal our bins but I shout at them so much, the bring them back and run away. And if it’s super sunny, I lay in the windowsill to sunbathe, that’s my favourite. If it rains I hide in the back of my crate and hope Mum doesn’t come back downstairs to make me go for a wee because me, and rain do not mix. Hell, I’ll even go on water strike so I don’t need to go out. Either way, I usually follow the sun round the living room, sometimes I’ll go upstairs, usually when Mum is on an important call, and shout at her, I like going for walks and I like to tell mum when I want to go.

At lunchtime we go go for a nice walk and I like to see if I can find any cat poo for a light snack, I also like to see mum try getting it out of my mouth without actually touching it. We then go home and I share Mum’s lunch, I particularly enjoy cheese on toast, I don’t, however enjoy being told “that’s your lot” who is she to tell me when I am full?

At the end of the day, we go across the farmers fields together and I like to go in all the long grass, or a hedge to have a poop, mum always comes out of the hedge looking like she has a hedge on her head, when she goes in to pick it up! I love going for walks though, I can’t control my body and I smile when she asks “do you wanna go for a walk Margot?” Yesssss! I do!!!!

When I get home, I get excited again because it’s my second favourite part of the day! DINNER! Mum buys me “human dog food” which she says is dog food but claims it tastes like hers, last night I had Cottage Pie. It’s my favourite one, I barely come up for air when she puts it down!

Once Mum has eaten (and shared) her dinner, I usually get in to a strange position, on Mum’s lap, because my comfort comes above anything else, she’s here to accommodate me.

At about 9pm, I take myself in to my crate and I stare at Mum until she gets the hint to go upstairs because I want my sleep, you don’t stay this pretty running on fumes, beauty sleep is important, that’s why I do it so much. I go to bed with Maisie Mouse and snore all night, toasty and warm, wondering why Mum won’t share chocolate with me and what I did to be treated so poorly….